Hitman Two Productions Inc.’s attorney, Kenneth Clark , has filed a lawsuit against approximately 1900 Canadians for online piracy. The booty the alleged online pirates are accused of stealing is the movie, The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard, which stars Ryan Reynolds.

Attorney Clark says his client is suing approximately 1900 folks because they need to be taught a lesson about stealing other folks stuff. “There’s a lot of online piracy that people think have no consequences. Our mandate is to show people that illegal conduct has legal consequence," is what Attorney Kenneth Clark said to CBC’s Jacob Barker. In order to make sure they learn their lesson, the “good” attorney has asked the court to slap them all with one big $50,000 fine.

Mind you, now, he didn’t just go to Your Honor and say, “These online pirates need to pay $50,000 big ones for stealing my client’s movie.” No sir, unh-unh. The “good” attorney had to convince the “good” judge that he thinks some funny business is going on the online with his client’s movie.

What is that you ask?! Why did Clark think some funny business was going on with his client’s movie?! What peaked his interest? Who told him to look into these folks? Welp, he won’t say exactly.

The one thing that is clear is that Clark works for Aird & Berlis. If you know anything about Aird & Berlis, then you know they’re known for their serial snooping around and finding as many folks as they can for the court to hit with fines for their allege crime of being online pirates. A fishing expedition is what they call it.

An Aird & Berlis’ lawyer goes to the court and tells the judge that there’s a lot of unauthorized movement going on out there in the open seas. The judge gives them a subpoena to go see what is out there. The lawyer then goes to the telecommunication companies, which owns the seas that the online pirates sail on, shows them the subpoena and then tells them, “Show me your logs.”

The telecommunication companies hands over the logs showing the alleged online pirates’ ISP addresses and everything they’ve been doing on the open water. After getting all of that information, the Aird & Berlis’ lawyer then files a lawsuit in the court accusing the online pirates of stealing booty.

Here’s the thing, though, folks, the chances are notta that the $50,000 fine will be paid. A majority of the folks are po’ folks who Clark is asking to come together to pay $50,000 to his rich client for what he and his rich client most likely do.

That’s right, folks! Folks have been copying movies and songs ever since VHS and cassettes came out. I bet if any of y’all go looking through y’all’s folks’ stuff y’all will find the Godfather tape in the VCR. Clark ain’t no different! Just look at him!



He looks like he has 20 VHS copies of Buffy the Vampire Slayer! Y’all know it’s true! He probably runs around the house in purple tights and a black wig singing to Prince’s “Little Red Corvette.”

The point is that money is why Clark and his rich client are suing those approximately 1900 hardworking folks for what every able bodied person does which is to dub what they love!

And it ain’t no crime in dubbing what you’re loving as long as you’re not selling what you’re dubbing!